Japan Leader Assassinated By Pokemon

WHAT THEY SAY

TOKYO (Reuters) - Being old is apparently no bar to finding favour with the young -- at least in the world of Japanese politics.

From $6 bean buns to $1,200 kimono belts, a souvenir shop in Tokyo is offering a range of items all bearing the grinning face of "cool old dude" Taro Aso, 68-year-old frontrunner in the race to be Japan's next prime minister.

Fans of Aso and droves of curious shoppers were drawn into the store on Saturday in Akihabara, a shopping district in central Tokyo, two days before the ruling Liberal Democratic Party's (LDP) picks a new leader for Japan.

The winner of the party poll, which comes after a sudden resignation by Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda this month, is sure to become the next prime minister because of the party's majority in the Japanese parliament's lower house.

WHAT THE TRUTH REALLY IS

Cool old dude. Soon to be cool dead dude. Japan, and the Liberal Democratic Party certainly shouldn'y pick Mr.Taro Aso for its new leader. They may not know the reason, but Yasuo Fukuda does. Ask him(with a truth serum handy).

Ask him why he resigned when he was in the midst of a ggreat economic upliftment period, set to become  a world superpower. What happened? Did he go soft in the head? Was he tired of all the power and luxury and prestige? Is he diagnosed with a compulsive disorder?

No. The answers run so deep that humanity isn't ready for them. Every new leader that Japan picks for the next 23 years will die mysteriously. Seven will die by plane crashes, two by assassinations, and one by a heart attack. The reason? GR knows. He shared them with us. Humanity may not be ready for it, but certainly you inhuman net surfers are ready.

The answer is this: They All Hated Pokemon. When China introduced Pokemon, Japan wasn't ready with a Oriental counter-attack to it, and a Pokemon craze swept the world, uprooting the tenets of religions and crumbling the basic philosophies of life. Japan started a not-too-swift series of assassinations of the lead designers, but it was too late. China had captured the minds of children everywhere. Japan tried everything to stop it-manga, sharp hair, animae, cheap accents, nice standards of life, drifting etc but it wasn't enough. And now the Chinese Central Pokemon Agency wants revenge. Revenge for their killed fathers. And their sending their best pokemon into Japan to carry out the hits-Pikachu "killer" pika, Ivy "the stone" osaur, Blabley "yakyak" babble, and so on.  As 23 is the number of bullets used to murder the lead designers, Japan will have to endure 23 years of horror, torture, bloodshed, revolution, gore, and of course, Death.

Suicide Toddlers - They Will Die For Islam

WHAT THEY SAY

LONDON (Reuters) - A schoolboy, said by prosecutors to be the youngest Briton to be convicted of a terrorism offence, was jailed for two years on Friday for his part in what prosecutors called a worldwide plot to target non-Muslims.

Hammaad Munshi, 18, was found guilty last month of being part of a cell that spread extremist propaganda and provided practical guides on how to make poisons and suicide vests.

Detectives said Munshi, an IT expert who was just 16 when he was arrested at his home in Dewsbury, northern England, as he returned from school, was dedicated to al Qaeda's cause.

He used the Internet to circulate material including technical documents on how to make napalm and homemade explosives, and discussed how to smuggle a sword through airport security.

Al Qaeda propaganda promoting "murder and destruction" was stored on his computer and notes on martyrdom were hidden under his bed, London's Old Bailey court heard.

The teenager, who was convicted of making a record of information likely to be useful in terrorism, was sentenced on Friday to two years in a young offenders' institution.

WHAT THE TRUTH REALLY IS

Eighteen years. The Grim Reaper laughed when he heard this figure. They think that 18 is the youngest! Grim assures us that he personally knows a few 2-year-olds who are ready to lay their lives for Islam and have already joined Jihadi training camps. Why, his five-year-old neighbor once exploded a CNT molotov cocktail right in his front lawn. It took him weeks to get the organs out.